Monday, November 30, 2009

I forgot how much fun the hunt was!
Very mysterious.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Give it up, it's not going to work,
let me show you where you could be.

I'm dying to tell you,
I need your touch, your body, your soul.

I can't help it, my heart is screaming,

Monday, November 23, 2009

I haven't had this feeling in so long, so fucking long.
I'm finally being myself, not what i think you want or what anybody else wants.

Hello Kevin, it's nice to see you again.
We welcome you with open arms and smiling faces.
Make yourself comfortable sir, you're going to be here for quite some time.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


could you please get over yourself!
i guess you think i still want you back after all this, except i see clearly now.
i have zero desire to be with you, sorry to burst your ego my friend.

i go shopping and now you think i wanna try and be like him?
i'm trying to present myself well for OTHER girls, not you.
so if you could stop being so inlove yourself, that would be wonderful.

and apparently i'm not the only one who is seeing this either.
stop staring at the ceiling, get that nose down to normal level.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

get a grip brother!

It has taken me some time now, but I'm starting to realize, we were too different for each other.
I don't know if you ever saw who I truly am.I was myself, but at the same time, i never could just be myself without having to worry what you would say, and that's just not right.

I feel like an animal that was taken out its natural habitat and stuck in a zoo that tried to mimic my home.
I'm out of that cage now, you released me back into the wild.
This ain't African Lion Safari either, you can't just drive-by.
This is the mother fucking jungle girl, there's no telling what will happen out here.
Time to jump back into the food chain, and my oh my am i hungry.
Lets see what I can sink my teeth into next.
Come for a ride, we're going to travel through time. I'll set the timer, craaaaaaank, 4 months in the past. Hey look what was written, it's so similar to your thoughts now! He's perfect, he's everything a guy should be. Isn't it strange how the mind works? Whoawhoawhoa, who said anything about the mind, we're talking about the heart here! Uh oh...we have a problem then. I can't find yours! You gave it away? I don't understand, how did the transaction go through so quickly! You should come with a warning: I will leave you broken, I will rip out your heart. Now to be honest, this does make sense, it fits your personality, maybe i should have seen it coming. Always trying to outdo yourself, trying to be the best, nothing is ever really good enough. Now don't get me wrong, I admired all of those things in you. It made you one of the really special girls. The problem is you thought it would be a good idea to apply the same techniques with your heart. You found someone that you thought was better, an upgrade, if you will;) well now it makes sense you would jump on this so quickly, you are quite driven, I'll give you that.
Okay, time to come back to the present. Now I hope he realizes what you're capable of because who knows, maybe someone better will come along and you'll get up and walk away again.
yuckyuckyuck that makes me feel sick.

why do i procrastinate so much? i don't even understand myself at all.

on a side note, i'm feeling happy? even though tonight is gonna be like the worst night and i have to stay up all night doing homework, i'm somehow happy.

i wanna try new things, meet new people, travel, LIVE.
on my own or with someone else, i will live.

one day at a time,
the walls came tumbling down,
i was sitting happily in the front row, waiting patiently

you thought that the battle could not be won,
an impossibility of the heart.

the past laid the foundation for these thoughts,
family, boys, friends.

experience gave you little trust,
the similarities were striking.

could it be, had i found her?
do i invest or walk away?

you let me in,
you did the unthinkable.

but to let me out, not for you...for him
i still don't believe it.

that was supposed to be a thought in this chaotic mind,
nothing but a troubled thought from a troubled mind.

but who knew it could be reality,
you left me.

all i have now is pictures and posts.
things to look back on, not forward to.

i wish you could give me the future i so desire.
i wish you could give me your heart.

Don't Call Me Peanut

Drink up beautiful;
I spiked your cup with angst, and a heart attack.
I've got so much trapped and it's all because of you.
So i figured you might like some back;

And when I see her I'll tell her whats been on my mind,
All these sleepless nights, she'll recite her excuses,
Put my tail between these legs of mine;
Like i do all the time

Can't live my life;
Knowing you'll be in his arms, each time I blink my eyes;
Know what goes on behind my back; every night.
Afraid I'll never leave; afraid I'll never know whats good for me

And when I see her I'll tell her whats been on my mind,
All these sleepless nights, she'll recite her excuses,
Put my tail between these legs of mine;
Like i do all the time

And now you say that; you say you love me.
Well i may have your heart, he has your body
And now you swear that; you're being honest,
But you're not honest, you never could be

And when I see her I'll tell her whats been on my mind,
All these sleepless nights, she'll recite her excuses,
Put my tail between these legs of mine;
Like i do all the time

Sunday, November 15, 2009

okokok, you've had the time. now comes the get the fuck over it, she wasn't worth it stage.
i thought i could be nice about it all, but then i realized, you don't deserve it.
you don't deserve shit from me.
i can't change what's going to happen in the future, and quite frankly i'm happy that i found out now.
i really did think you were different, but this has been my biggest misjudgement of character i've ever had.
you were right about one thing
trust doesn't really exist, it is merely an imaginative concept. you really can't trust anybody, cause they'll turn around and fuck you over for something better in a heartbeat.
so i thankyou for helping me learn that lesson.
but i must look at the bright side, there's around 3 billion other females in the world, so it's time to go find one who gives a shit, OR just chill and live my life how i wanna live it, without having to report to someone.
I'm ready to live.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Everyone told me you weren't worth it, they said you'll find someone better, someone who will treat you right. But all i could think was that they had no idea, they didn't know you like i did. I couldn't get that thought out of my head...that is until i learned you have no class. I'm not telling you how to live your life, I never wanted to do that, your life is yours. The fact is it shocks me you could move on so fast, did what we have mean anything to you? Are you just that selfish that you're only thinking about what you want most? People are starting to make more and more sense.

Friday, November 13, 2009

do you know what the word respect means?
you make me fucking sick.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

you took my heart and tore it to pieces,
you have no idea the hurt you caused.

but listen, i'm not gonna be hung up on this,
i'll do just fine without you.

i can feel myself becoming a better person already,
i'll live and learn through this lesson.

the trust i had in you is gone,
this is me telling you, i'm moving on.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


you say my body paints a picture,
only i have no brush in hand.

i'm trying to understand you,
but your words only make things more twisted.

do you want more time for homework,
or just less time with me?

am i doing something wrong?
please, i need to know.

my intentions are not to hurt you,
they are to love you.

lately it seems you don't want me around very often,
is it stress or regret?

Sunday, November 8, 2009

I want to explode.

Jealous? Not quite, not quite.
Interested? Yes, quite interested.

Everytime I give a shit, shit is thrown back at my face.
Sorry for caring, sorry for wanting to be with you.

Girl, you got nothing to worry about, no need for weak comebacks. Whoever I am with, it doesn't matter, i'm always thinking of you. No evil thoughts corrupt this mind.
Jealousy takes over ALL, including yourself and myself.

I know the truth, these actions are not a result of jealousy, i assure you, believe it if you will.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


fatigue hangs heavy on the body,
weights dangling from the eyelids.

no sleep without help,
tossing and turning seems to be the latest trend.

caffeine, the enemy in this great war,
the mind stirs when it should slow.

the devils crop brings peace,
but reliance on evil brings no good.

stuck in this hole i question how to get out,
do i dig deeper or start the climb upwards?

do you see me? do you see the real me?
do you see me? do you see through me?

how could one love this,
it seems too good to be true.

i look for your hand, may i take it in mine?
can you help me out or am i trapped?